Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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