I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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