C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
