Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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