he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
