Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
