I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
my poor anus
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
