I think I am morally bankrupt
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
