i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
