Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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