Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
