my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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