so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm passing your future prison.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
