when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
