Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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