This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
