I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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