I puked a lego.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
