Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
