Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
