So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
