If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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