sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She bit a glass in half.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
