I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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