Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
