She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
