he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
