I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
