I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
