I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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