decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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