I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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