my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
