are you still at the devil's house?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
