3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
