My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
