Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
