Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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