I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
