Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We left the knife in your bed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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