found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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