weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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