it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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