My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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