Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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