... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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