I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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