giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
