Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
