Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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