We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize