Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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