a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
