I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i would punch a child for taco bell
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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