I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
