I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
