sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm too high and old for this...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
