is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
