i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
