what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
