So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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