Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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