I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
