Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
