i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
