lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
