john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
