There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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