I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Fuck appropriateness.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
