She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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