if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
