Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
