Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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