Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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