Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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