just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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