you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
