I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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