thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if only i could text you this smell
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize