my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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