it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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