And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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