I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
